Tick Quotes:

• "The local ninja union has demanded shorter working hours and free dry cleaning."
  -News Broadcast (The Tick #2)
  
• "Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them..."
  -The Tick (The Tick #3)
  
• "Oh dear! I think I ran over a ninja back there!" "Well, keep driving, we're late as it is! I mean it's not like we hit a collie or anything" "I guess you're right."
  -Overheard conversation in a car (The Tick #3)
  
• "I thought [ninjas] just hung around airports and got sucked up into jet engines."
  -The Tick (The Tick #3)
  
• "Little did Chairface know that the alligator is the cow's natural-born enemy"
  -Angus MacGuire (The Tick #7)
  
• "Hey, don't knock crazy. The Romans were crazy, and they got all the girls."
  -The Tick (The Tick #8)
  
• "Wicked Men! Cease your antics, or I may be forced to assault you with the U.S. Postal System!"
  -The Tick (The Tick #8)
  
• "The two strange men who just now wanted to shoot us to death were eaten by a cow and that almost makes sense to me"
  -Arthur (The Tick #8)
  
• "I refuse to accept criticism from someone who's hiding under a table"
  -Arthur (The Tick #8)
  
• "You're pretty uppity for a sidekick, pal. Watch it, or I'll start calling you Artie or... or Something-Lad!"
  -The Tick (The Tick #10)
  
• "A freak with money ain't hardly a freak at all"
  -Rhett (The Tick #10)
  
• "I have Cary Grant karma, because I always prevail"
  -The Tick (The Tick #12)
  
• "I didn't know there were ninjas in Japan. Did you?"
  -The Tick (Paul the Samurai #9)
  
• "I'll die before I let you kill me"
  -Paul the Samurai (Paul the Samurai #9)
  
• "If life gives ya lemons...kill a few guys"
  -Hollowpoint (Paul the Samurai #9)
  
• "I may be an evil genius, but I can't predict every giant lizard that might wander by"
  -Sagin the Wolf (Paul the Samurai #9)
  
• "If I've heard that once, I've heard it again"
  -Paul the Samurai (Paul the Samurai #9)
  
• "Guns don't hurt people, choke holds hurt people"
  -The Tick (Paul the Samurai #9)
  
• "I am the measure of justice! But you are a psychotic relic of feudalism"
  -Captain Academia (Paul the Samurai #9)
  
• "I always said that I'd give up being a ninja the day I can't beat a cow"
  -A ninja (Man Eating Cow #9)
  
• "Please don't strike matches on our monsters"
  -Paul the Samurai (Man Eating Cow #9)
  
• "Mindless street violence has a place in this country, but this isn't it"
  -The Tick (Paul the Samurai #10)
  
• "Nothing says 'Scram' like 500 pounds of pig iron"
  -The Tick (Paul the Samurai #10)
  
• "When my home town is transformed into medieval Japan and I see a samurai attacking my partner...well, I just gotta wonder"
  -Crime Cannibal (Paul the Samurai #10)
  
• "Investing in something that you are trying to wipe off the face of the earth isn't good business"
  -Vernon Coop (Man Eating Cow #10)
  
• "After a crisis of dimensional proportions, nothing beats frozen yogurt"
  -The Tick (Man Eating Cow #10)
  
• "I...must've blacked out again...heh...crazy!"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #1)
  
• "I have cosmic powers beyond human comprehension, much less yours!"
  -'Spiffy Boy' (Karma Tornado #1)
  
• "You guys aren't going to perform bizarre medical experiments on me, are you? I've already been through that whole rigamaroo and it's a bad scene"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #1)
  
• "...they're the most vile, deadly creatures in the known galaxy... they bleed acid, they exhale sulfur, they're covered with poisonous spiny needles... if you even pronounce the name of their species you get a rash..."
  -Eli Whitney (Karma Tornado #2)
  
• "Sorry about dinner guys, I'm not used to alien food either. I'll see if I can't get you a pepto or something..."
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #2)
  
• "Not magic, silly Nile queen --- Doorknob!"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #2)
  
• "You've got nothing to worry about. Half these guys don't even have legs"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #2)
  
• "No one sends the Tick anywhere. Fate is my only master. Destiny signs my checks"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #3)
  
• "Oh, if there were gravity I would hang my big head in shame"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #3)
  
• "...the diaper came in handy about the time I hit 18 'G's'"
  -Ham the Astrochimp (Karma Tornado #3)
  
• "Ohhh... I got scammed by a monkey"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #3)
  
• "Some all-powerful space being. He can't even clean his own internal fusion reactors!"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #4)
  
• "Tick, do this! Tick, do that! Clean my superconductors, read me a story, scrape the carnivorous space barnacles off my back"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #4)
  
• "We'll (hack!) let 'em know (koff!) who they're (koff!) dealing with...(hack!) oh, man! Nick T. (koff!) Fitt, Agent of S.H.E.E.P. (koff-koff!), that's who! (koff! hack!)"
  -Nick Fitt, Agent of S.H.E.E.P. (Karma Tornado #4)
  
• "You're just like a gang of salesmen going crazy at some cheap convention in Reno. You guys make me sick!"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #4)
  
• "That's the most disgusting super power since that guy who had to eat three cans of vanilla frosting to burrow through the earth like a prairie dog"
  -Hard Disk (Karma Tornado #5)
  
• "With these freaks around, I gotta do better than a buncha floppies and a commodore 64 on my head"
  -Hard Disk (Karma Tornado #5)
  
• "National Public Radio called us 'Heroes for the '90's' and they used lots of irony"
  -The Spectacle (Karma Tornado #5)
  
• "I am here to fight evil and exchange good-natured barbs"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #5)
  
• "Who'd have thought lunch meat invulnerability would come in as handy as it has"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #5)
  
• "A giant guy plus a harbor equals fluid dynamics at its best"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #5)
  
• "Men and women in skin-tight costumes... cavorting without shame! That is not what the founding fathers had in mind"
  -Senator Beauregard (Karma Tornado #6)
  
• "I'm confused, Arthur. I don't remember ruining America"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #6)
  
• "Your opponent killed a nun in a brawl! And you still only won by 300 votes"
  -Spin Doctor (Karma Tornado #6)
  
• "Say what you will about me! I comprehend very little of it anyway!"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #6)
  
• "Hmm. Single syllables! A formidable opponent"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #6)
  
• "Thank goodness. This reinforces my simplistic world view"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #6)
  
• "Those aren't squeak toys --- they're giant mutant hell rats!!"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #7)
  
• "No need to be mean just because he's deranged"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #7)
  
• "You make a pretty good argument for a guy in a rabbit suit"
  -Mr. Stake (Karma Tornado #7)
  
• "Can I help being puncture-resistant?"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #7)
  
• "Now I'll have my revenge on the man who killed my drug lord husband and put our children in loving foster homes"
  -Tramp (Karma Tornado #8)
  
• "I'm not comfortable calling somebody a scumbag... I've kissed babies with this mouth"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #8)
  
• "Perhaps today I'll get a library card! A license to read! Then they can't make me leave! But will they let me in their little club?"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #9)
  
• "This is the quietest mess I've ever made"
  -The Tick (Karma Tornado #9)